shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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