I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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