the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i think i have herpe
just one?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
