that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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