I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize