Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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