Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
