My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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