ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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