no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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