vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
