We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize