I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
