So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We're too hungover to prance.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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