If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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