this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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