On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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