I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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