so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
