i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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