did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
