I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
