Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
