Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
