i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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