meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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