I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
