Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
