We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize