youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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