I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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