I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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