I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
