I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
