At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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