remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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