I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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