Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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