So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I supernannyed him into submission
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
