At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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