why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
