I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize