True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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