my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
