I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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