Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The best revenge is premature balding
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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