Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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