Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
