ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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