Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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