I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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