He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
