There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
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