I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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