the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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