He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
