He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
