Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
