apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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