I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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