It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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