My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
50% drunk capacity currently
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
