remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
