Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
