so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
