hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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