I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
